dear vinnie,
happy 4th of july! I just got back from washington d.c. yesterday. thank you for looking out for me and helping me get to and from safely to and from.

I've been thinking about you a lot lately. there are some days I still can't believe that you are not here. I wish you were still here with us. remember when we'd light fireworks at uncle ed's? that was always fun. :)

hope heaven has an independence day celebration there too...

I miss you,
lil sis

dear vinnie,

i was just listening to random songs on youtube, and came across, "if tomorrow never comes"


and i started getting weepy thinking about how "tomorrow" never came for you. *cries*


then i listened closer the lyrics and that's when it really hit me...


"then a thought crosses my mind, if i never wake in the morning. would she ever doubt the way i feel about her in my heart? if tomorrow never comes - would she know how much i love her? did i try in every way, to show her everyday, she's my only one? and if my time on earth were through - and she must face this world without me. is the love i gave her in the past gonna be enough to last if tomorrow never comes?"


now i know that this is supposed to be meant for your wife, but i think it can relate to us too.....

- we know how much you loved us, vinnie. you were the shining example of someone who gave your love so freely, everyday. we are all now facing this world without you, but the love you taught us is an example to us all. we are all thankful that you were the person you were when you were still with us.


i love you and miss you SOOOO much,
lil sis

dear vinnie,

i had a bit of a breakdown this morning. i was reading about a woman who made her husband go to the hospital after he complained about chestpain. turns out, it's seemingly similar to the kind of heart problems you had after finding out on the 2nd autopsy. he had to have open heart surgery to repair his clogged arteries, that the docs said his heart was that of a 60year old, etc. i thanked God that this couple was able to treat his condition so early and that he had a chance to live.

then my heart ached and tears started flowing out. then will asked what was wrong and of course, it was all bawling from there.

did you have chest pain? if you did, did you tell anyone? did you not take it seriously?

though i know i shouldn't worry about the what-ifs, i can't help but wonder if your heart condition would've been caught earlier.... would you still be here with us today?

how i wish i could turn back time. i''m sorry i haven't been around much. please know that i think of you always....


i miss you,
lil sis

dear vinnie,
FORGIVE ME. it has been so long since my last post. life got crazy on me. i know that isn't an excuse, but please forgive me. i talked to your mom today to tell her a story about how last week i saw a little boy, about 2-3 years old who looked EXACTLY like you when you were growing up. I found myself just staring at him for the longest time. i think his parents thought i was freaky. haha. anyway, i can't help but wonder if that was God's way of reminding me that you are still very much a part of my life.

even though i haven't been on, i still think about you every single day. your mom reminded me that yesterday was your 3 month "anniversary" of your passing. god, where does the time go?

i hope you are doing well in Heaven. Say hi to everyone for me, especially my dad, grandma, and grandpa. I miss you guys SO MUCH it hurts.



i love you,
lil sis


P.S. Your "Byron" davis and the warriors didn't make it to the Playoffs. I was tearing.... i really wanted them to go, but there's always next year!

dear vinnie,
FINALLY, you visited me in my dreams.

i was driving my car and i happened to pull into the garage of your old house on pumpherston at the same time as your mom. i walked into the house through the garage door and there you were, in plain sight - sitting on the couch behind the railing separating the dining room and living room. to your right was your papa and i think beth was there, but i can't remember for certain. anyway, upon seeing you, i felt my heart leap for joy. you stood up and walked towards me with that coy smile of yours. we met in the dining room. You were wearing a blue parka jacket that had a hood, jeans, and your white/blue jordans. You wiped your nose with your finger.

"VINNIE!" I cried, "It's been so long since I've seen you!"

You smiled, looked down on the floor, and softly said, "I know"

I heard your voice. I HEARD it.

I grabbed onto you and gave you the biggest hug for what seemed to be forever. I remember inhaling your scent. I let go of you and started asking you so many questions.

"What happened to you? Why did you leave us? Did you know? How is heaven like?"

You didn't answer me. You made that "teh-heh" chuckle, smiled, and sImply walked over to the refrigerator, and just looked at it. Something caught my attention and I looked away. I wish I hadn't because when I turned back, you were gone. :(



thank you for visiting me so sweetly, vinnie. it really made me so very happy! what a wonderful dream.... it felt so incredibly REAL. how I wish it was....



i called mariden to tell her, but she wasn't home. i did talk to jessica though. she's such a sweet girl and sooo talkative! remember the last time i talked to you on the phone, she got on the phone and started telling me stories? i remember you were trying to get her off, but she was like, "nooo! I want to tell auntie my stories!" i heard you say, "aiyeeee" and then smack your lips. needless to say, jessica won that debate ;) anyway, afterwards i called your mom and she said that i was lucky since you haven't visited her in her dreams yet. why haven't you, vinnie? she cried again, saying how she still feels that you are "very much alive in her heart".

and you are. you may be gone, vinnie, but you are definitely living in all of our hearts.


i miss you so very much,
lil sis

dear vinnie,
we're flying to chicago early tomorrow morning. please pray for us that we may have a safe flight to and from. we're going to go watch a Bulls basketball game! can you believe it?! we'll be breathing the same air that your all time favorite NBA player used to breathe - michael jordan! i'll be sure to take a picture of the famous statue of him outside of the arena.

 gotta get started on packing. we just finished watching the warriors vs. lakers game. it was pretty intense - went into OT but we got ROBBED at the end by a bad call on one of the officials with 4 seconds left!! GRRRRRR i'm soooooooo upset!!!! anyway, thank you for your prayers and keeping us safe!, bull


love you vinnie,
lil sis

dear vinnie,
happy easter! vinnie and i came by to visit you after we went to church in the morning.


you, my dad, grandpa, and grandma got matching duckies haha



hahah oh man, your burger i gave you for your birthday was STILL there. hahaha. uh... yah, i had to take that away! later on, we went to celebrate gerrit's christening and will's nephew's birthday, it was a busy easter!

how is easter like in heaven, vinnie? how do you celebrate it there?


i miss you,
lil sis

dear vinnie,
me and will took your kids out to the exploratorium today!! it was me, will, mariden, the kds, your mom, and beth. we took your sienna! hahahah it was quite the experience getting in and out of it. hahah ;) we left a little late because will had to work the night before so i had to wake for him to wake up.

anyway, when we finally got there, i didn't realize how tiring it could be to take care of three kids LOL! but boy did we have fun! jessica was a little shy when we first got there, but she started to explore a little bit more after a while. i think her favorite thing was playing with the sand. devin and jessamae loved this ipod looking picture thing. it's a dark room, and the light flashes and it leaves a shadow. we all had fun doing it. beth even got a piece of the fun!

you know what was funny vinnie?  me, mariden, jessica, jessamae and beth were at one exhibit. i was looking for will and devin, who were together, and your mom who was roaming around somewhere. and i said, quite automatically, actually....

where's vinnie?

oh man, that came out so easily out of my mouth. i find myself doing that often. i just miss you is all.  anyway, afterwards, we went to johnny rockets for some late lunch and then we went home. it was a lovely day. throughout the day, it was a little bit sad, though too. it was just another painful reminder that you weren't here with us, enjoying your kids - exploring, learning, having fun. i see so much of you in devin. one time i asked him a question and he nodded just the way you nodded. i really miss that. and when i was seeing him play, his profile looks so much like you. he's such a sweet boy, vinnie.


anyway, here are some pictures. i'll post pics of the kids when you can't really see their faces since this is public....
FAMILY MEMBERS/FRIENDS - if you want to see the whole set of pictures.... email me or respond to this post and I'll send it to you!


jessamae trying to make no noise while crossing the gravel-laden path


devin trying to draw an image by looking at the mirror. look at your boy wearing his daddy's memorial bracelet!


jessamae listening to sounds through bone conduction




i miss you so much vinnie,
lil sis

dear vinnie,
has it been two months already? sigh...

life is a wee bit sticky right now for me. nothing major and nothing that won't fix itself, so don't worry. but can you please look out for me and say an extra prayer for me? thanks bro. like your mommy said... you are my guardian angel..... i love you.

i miss you,
lil sis

dear vinnie,

will and i were watching michael jackson videos on youtube (trying to copy the dance moves, haha). stumbled upon this video - "GONE TOO SOON". it was written for Ryan White, who died of AIDS in the 1980s. do you remember that? anyway, i thought of you.... like Ryan, you were gone too soon..... life is toooo short, vinnie. i miss you so much.

i love you,
lil sis